domestic goddess, i am not

…but I would really like to be. My husband works really hard. His job is busy and stressful. (Whose isn’t, right?) And my job is…well, I don’t have one (thank you, honey). So, I’d like to make it my job to make our house a sanctuary for him to come to after a long day in the office. The last 4 months have been ROUGH. And let’s face it, before that things were definitely better around the house with my not working 24/7 and all, but there was still a ton of room for improvement. For four months we have been living in complete and total chaos. We moved in, found out I was pregnant and then I began hugging the porcelain throne all day, everyday for a solid 10 weeks. Shortly after that I had a flare up with the Crohn’s Disease and was down for the count again. These last two weeks I have finally had energy! A long lost friend! And I am finally ready to unpack those boxes and purge pretty much, oh…you know…like, half of our belongings since we have lived without them anyway for 4 months! And I want to scrub, clean, and disinfect every square inch of our home, too. (Nesting anyone?) So, imagine my excitement this last week when I was reading Real Simple magazine and stumbled across their cleaning guide! Um, a girl like me needs guidance like that. I once told my mother-in-law that I just wanted to watch her clean the house because, seriously people, I feel clueless. Judge away. It is what it is and I’m just being totally honest here. 

So this has lead to me creating a Pinterest board devoted to cleaning and pinning cleaning products onto a Pinterest board like a total dork. I can’t afford to go on a cleaning shopping spree {oh! That would be fun.} and I will definitely forget the things I read about this week just days from now. So pin away I will. I’m going to try to purchase the products a little at a time until I have an arsenal of the best cleaning products on the market today. I mean, a godess of any kind must have the best of things in order to qualify and I am determined to be deemed as such! I have not been able to open up our new home to guests. I have feared a random, unexpected knock on the door because of the chaos, dust, and downright messiness. I was disheartened by that because I really want our house to be a place where people always feel welcome. So I am pleased to say that the house is finally well on it’s way to being a haven! Stop on by for a drink and a visit. Just be sure to use a coaster because I just wiped down the coffee table. ;)  

***This post is really, really old. I just found it the other day and realized I had written it 4/5 months ago and then forgot about it completely. Thought I would still post it for fun.***

hiatus

So I have been M.I.A. I’ve wanted to blog. In fact, I’ve probably written 50 posts in my head since the last one I published. There are a few drafts in the works too. Truth is I don’t want to blog if my blogging isn’t peppered with happy tones and giggles. I don’t want to be dishonest either. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could breeze thru life happily, giggling along the way all of the time? Here’s the truth…I have been more unhappy in the last year of my life than ever before. And I have longed for laughter. Here’s another truth…happiness isn’t the most important thing. Holiness is. Leaning into and learning from God’s presence is. So I have been stuck in a state of unhappiness forgetting all about the hope and the joy that was given to me to keep and treasure as mine all mine for always. Instead of focusing on the eternal things, I have literally had day after day that I longed to just lie down and give up. Say forget it. Who cares? Whatever! Because I have been focusing on things that don’t really matter.

Don’t fret. I am not talking about leaving this world forever because it all seems too hard to handle. I literally mean I have wanted to lie down and not do a thing and give up entirely. And believe me, some days I have done just that. I can’t share all of the details. Some would make your hair curl. There are parts of my life that feel more like a novel plot or movie scene at the moment, and I would really like to make my exit from the story. It isn’t one of those romantic comedies or feel good types. {I can’t say more without sharing information that isn’t mine to share.} Then there is the whole insanity that is my house right now. Concrete, dusty floors for 5 entire months and not feeling like I can settle and move in completely until the floors eventually go down. {Oh, please may the floors be in before this baby arrives in September!} And everywhere I look there is chaos. And no safe, soft place to land. So I am tired. And I just want to lie down. Give up.

A couple of Mondays ago I finally reached the breaking point. I finally lost it. I just cried and cried and cried and cried. It was the first morning of one of two Summer Bible studies that I am attending. And just like God has proved time and time again, His timing is perfect. That very morning I walk into a Bible study in a building I’ve never stepped foot in before and hear the leader talk in a way that spoke directly, intimately into my heart. She spoke about wanting to just  literally fall on the floor and not get up because things in our life have made us feel totally dejected. Or as my dear Anne of Green Gables would say, life had brought me into “the depths of despair.” It felt like too much to take on and bear the weight of so it stopped me in my tracks and literally left me feeling immobile. To hear this woman talk about despair in the exact same way it had made me feel…you can’t imagine the energy it took to hold back the tears in a room with 100 women who I simply couldn’t be vulnerable with yet.

God and His timing. Turns out I am not alone. He reached His hand down that morning. More likely, I finally looked up long enough to see it there and grab hold. Why do I forget how much He cares? Why do I not believe that He has a salve for every single hurt and wound? Why don’t I trust that His strength and power is available to me and for me all of the time? How could I have forgotten that happiness is not His goal for me, but holiness is and that hope and joy are literally rights given to me that no one or no thing could take from me; Christ secured my hope and my joy. What a relief. Do I feel happy all of the time since that Monday morning’s break through? Nope! Do I have renewed faith and hope that things are going to get better and do I find joy in God’s Word and promises? Yep! Do I have hope that God isn’t through with me yet and that I am a work in progress? Uuuuuummmmm, definitely! Do I find joy in watching Him work and seeing evidence of that in my life and the lives of others? Sure do.

So I am in the process of reorienting my focus and regaining perspective though my circumstances have not changed. I am moving forward, even if it means slowly with timid baby steps through my circumstances at the moment. At least I am moving! And I am loving this verse right now because circumstances are only implied while the things that are certain are God’s character and the promises that come from being in His presence… “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

So I am going to start blogging again. Even when it isn’t pretty. Because maybe someone will read it who needs to know they aren’t alone or someone needs a little encouragement and something I say may resonate for them. And I am going to blog again because in the midst of the chaos and the dark days, I have plenty of “happy” to share too. After all, there is a baby on the way! And I am married to my best friend! And God has placed fabulous people in my life to pour into me!   

awake sickness and a dose of honesty

It’s been 9 weeks of feeling pretty darn yucky. Morning sickness is a cruel term. If my eyes are open then I am feeling nauseous. I’m no stranger to nausea. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease in the 8th grade and I had another serious flare my senior year of high school. Those two years of my life I spent feeling pretty sick and I figured “morning” sickness would be like that. I felt prepared. HA! This is not that. At all. It’s been downright debilitating. It seems crazy to say it’s made me bedridden. I felt insane for feeling that way. So I looked for validation on the Internet. Were other women feeling as though they could not get out of bed, unless of course it was a run for the bathroom? The answer…a resounding YES! Forum after forum confirmed that I am not alone and that many other women were feeling exactly as I did physically and emotionally. Not only was I nauseated all of the time, but my house, you know, the one I moved into 3 weeks before the awake sickness set in, was a complete disaster. I had been beating myself up for not being able to keep it all together.

And what about the joy of being pregnant for the first time? Shouldn’t that be enough for me to never ever complain or wish it were different for me? A little more guilt set in for that too. I was {am} complaining! I was {am} over it! No one tells you just how hard it can be to be pregnant in the first few months. I thought the hard part would come much later when I was as big as a house and uncomfortable. I just want to go through a day and not feel so bad! It’s a long time {9 weeks} to feel so sick! And I want to get back to living life. I have felt so bad and spent so much time wallowing in it that I haven’t felt like me. I’m ready to move on from this part of the pregnancy.

Now, even though I have felt so bad, I am so happy and thankful to be carrying this little baby. During the first trimester, once I began feeling sick, the thought of waking up the next morning feeling fine scared me to death. They say once the morning sickness sets in so deep a sure tell sign of something going wrong is when it disappears without tapering off. For as much as I hated feeling so sick, I was terrified not to until the 12th week had passed. If 9 weeks {and maybe more} of hugging that toilet bowl is part of becoming a mommy then I’ll take it. This is a great first lesson in the trials and perseverance necessary in parenthood, right? I’d like to think so because it’s been hard, SO HARD, but so incredibly worth it and I am glad that I can say I am 15 weeks pregnant to anyone who will listen! Because I love this little baby regardless of how often he or she sends me running for the bathroom!

when we found out

We tried for several months and panic was beginning to set in. I am 30. I had this constant tape playing in my head of people saying over the last few years, “well, don’t wait too long. It won’t get easier to get pregnant and be pregnant with age. Plus, the older you are the more risk is involved.” We were nearing the time frame in which you are supposed to go see the doc and have the trying-hasn’t-worked-so-should-we-be-worried conversation.

I let two dear friends know the last week we were in Miami how much the what-if thoughts had consumed me. They spoke words of wisdom and encouragement and they fell on my worried heart like salve. They prayed with me and for me before we parted ways and I got in my car feeling so much more at peace than when I had first arrived at the coffee shop.

Just a few short weeks later, Andrew and I found ourselves in the midst of painting and unpacking in the new house. The time had come when we would learn if this month was the month we had been hoping for and I was nervous and excited. Now, you should know that my husband is not a fan of spending money. The month before he had cut me off from the digital pregnancy test. I was taking one or two a month and he let me know that he could not afford my habit. So to the dollar store we went to pick up a test or two. I would take the dollar store test first and if that one read positive I would take the digital test too to confirm the positive reading.

They say the best time to take a test is in the morning because you’ll get the most accurate results the earlier you are in your pregnancy. The night before I set everything up so that I’d be ready to go first thing in the morning. Then I went to bed. And woke up every hour on the hour it seemed because I was so excited and could not stand the waiting. Finally, I looked at the clock and it was 6am. I shot out of bed {a rare occasion to be sure} and ran for the bathroom. First up, the dollar store test. I thought I had a dud. The whole oval turned pink at first and just as I began cursing the cheap product, the two lines appeared. And I started shaking. I got out the digital test which had let me down so many times before and laid it flat on the counter, fully anticipating to have to wait the agonizing 3 minutes it usually took to tell me that I am not pregnant. Not this time. That little screen took no time to “think” this time. Pregnant. In seconds.

I quickly ran to Andrew and yelled for him to wake up! This startled him, you know, since he’d been fast asleep, and he had panic written all over his face, but then he focused in on mine. And he knew what I had been up to because of the smile I wore. He rushed into the bathroom to see the results for himself. And we shared these big grins with looks of wonder for a few seconds and hugged for a few minutes.

We went back to bed and Andrew prayed for us and for the life we had created. We talked and tried to process what had just happened and what life was going to look like in the next few months and years. It was one of the best mornings of my life and I will treasure it forever. All of that hope and anticipation in the previous months culminating to this morning of excitement and tender, quiet moments. What a gift! And I got to share it with my best friend.

P.S. If you missed our official announcement yesterday you can see it here.

we have big news

real housewife of orange county

Hi! Remember me? I did not drop off the face of the planet though it may seem that way. The last two months were busy, busy, busy with Christmas, packing, moving, and improving. I am quite sad that I did not get to blog through Christmas. It’s my favorite time of year and I took some really great pictures that I was really excited about posting. Who knows? I still might. I didn’t feel much like blogging. Christmas felt weird. We only pulled out an 1/8th of our decorations and we were so busy with travel, saying our goodbyes and packing that it just felt…different. I think the crazy mix of emotions over leaving Miami and moving to Orlando did me in, too. So here is hoping next Christmas is bloggerific with much more reflection on it’s importance and celebrations.

I am officially a real housewife of Orange County. Not the type with a glorious tan, pouty lips, designer jeans, and luxurious locks with a whole lot of drama. Just the unpacking boxes still and trying to make our first house feel like a home type. I completely adore our neighborhood. We are just 10 minutes from downtown and we live in a place that feels like it might have back in the day. Quaint and charming. Parks everywhere. Shops and restaurants a stones throw away. Complete with friendly, welcoming neighbors! AND I am a proud owner of an annual pass to the Happiest Place on Earth. Life is good! 

I’ll have to post pics and posts about the improvements going on around here. Don’t hold your breath for anything nearly as amazing or insightful as Young House Love. Those types of things we leave for the professionals. I am off to delve into Acts and my BSF study questions. In all of this busy, busy, busy I have not had nearly enough time to be quiet and still. I’m going to go make time for that right now. I need it!

wednesdays

Wednesdays are dear to me. A lot of good comes to my heart every single Wednesday. I am immeasurably grateful for that. It starts for me when I get to Kellie’s house to pick her up. She started going with me to BSF this year. I didn’t think it could get any better for me until she started coming along. 

We get to stand together and sing old hymns to affirm our faith. And we sit together during the lecture, while we feverishly write notes as Barbara speaks truth and wisdom straight from God’s Word into our hearts. Then we walk out together talking excitedly about the lecture and the discussion and the upcoming lesson. We visit with friends, some new and some women we grew up with teaching us Sunday School as little kids. I take her back to her house and hang out for a bit before I head over to my in-laws house where I meet Andrew for lunch. We hang out and eat and I steal a couple of kisses mid work day before he’s on his way. 

Then Maddie Bell and I hang out on the front lawn under the shade of a big tree and I dive into my BSF lesson for the week. On some Wednesdays I will go and pick Stacey up from school and catch up with her for a bit. And the day is positively perfect to me.

I literally feel as though I am grieving over losing it. We move in a month. I only have one more BSF Wednesday left. One. And it hurts my heart enough to bring tears brimming to the surface every single time I think about it. And depending on where I am when I think about it, I’ll allow them to brim up and over and I get lost in my grief because it’s that kind of heavy. I need to feel it to move on from it. And I know it’s just the beginning of the process.

I know I will still go to BSF. I will still get the same lessons and be in the Word and doing the same study Kellie and many friends are doing in Miami. And I am blessed to have a friend attending the BSF in Orlando. I won’t be alone and I know I’ll make friends. It’s just that the Wednesdays here are so special. And the Wednesdays there will just be different.

I am so grateful for the sweetness of my current Wednesdays. I am so glad I got to have them. I’ll always treasure them and the people I got to share them with.

time away

We are entering a really crazy time in our lives. Andrew and I discuss daily how difficult this next month or two is going to be and what we can do to be efficient and manage our time wisely. This past weekend marked the first of 4 trips for us this month. During the holiday season. In the month that we are relocating to a new city. There were moments this weekend that I appreciated so very much and that I feel so blessed for having. Then there were moments I saw how much I had to learn about myself and marriage and the quality of my character. {More on that at the end}

This weekend we spent time with great friends and found out that it takes 9 minutes and 27 seconds to walk from their front door to the one we will call our own by the end of this week. (Yep, we close on our first house THIS Friday, but won’t move in for a few more weeks.} We also went to Andrew’s firm Christmas party and it was lovely. I was able to meet several of his new colleagues and I had a wonderful time sharing a meal with them. He has been so blessed with a great job and great people to work with on a daily basis! We can honestly say they are all fabulous people! {No quirky Dwight Schrutes in their midst.}

And we even got to spend time with family because Cutie Pie and Little Man came into town for a visit. {Special thanks to their mama and daddy for making the drive. We enjoyed our time with you two as well!} I cannot explain to you how much good it does my heart to spend time with these two little ones. Cutie Pie had a blast riding the ferry and the train with Aunt Sha Sha, and truth be told, I think it was more fun for me and a memory forever etched onto my heart. It’s the little things, ya know? Combine that with a smile from Little Man specifically for me and I am just filled to the brim with real joy. I love those kids!

|| I could not for anything get rid of the red-eye in this picture even though I tried 3 different editing software programs. I had to include it because you can clearly see the fun they were having. ||

Now for the ugly part. For the most part, Andrew and I had some great times just the two of us with lots of laughs and smiles and all around good times. However, this weekend I also realized how selfish and self centered I really am because I allowed the pressure of this month to bare down on me so much that I was not always nice to Andrew when we discussed the move and the busyness and the schedule for the month. When he didn’t see it my way it was the highway. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I know I have said stuff like this before…about him being nice and me being downright mean. So clearly I’ve got a lot to learn about marriage and patience and loving in general. And he would tell you the same thing about himself. I am grateful that he has that kind of attitude about it. To be honest, I know what gets me in trouble; it’s not starting my day in the Word and consistently meditating on it and praying throughout the day. It never fails. The days I wake up and get right to it are the days I see life differently and I love people better and I can handle the things that aren’t part of my plan. I know that the busier and more stressful life is, the more I need to stop and stand before the Lord. Praying that I take my own advice!

that thing i kept avoiding

Soooooooo…I have this problem. I like to be super organized. And for the most part I am super organized when it comes to my classroom stuff because I don’t think I would function well otherwise. However, I am also busy, busy, busy with project after project after project. And I get excited and I tend to move on before I should. Which means sometimes what started off as super organized ends up as not so organized at all once the project or unit is said and done. Catch my drift or am I talking in circles here? 

For about 3 years I was lackadaisical when it came to filing in the classroom. {Baaaaaaaaad idea!} I felt like there was so much begging for my attention and energy that I’d catch up on my filing one day. This resulted in a full {and heavy} box of papers that had not been filed. I tackled those papers months ago and finished filing all of it after about a month. The other day I decided to take my files further and break them down a bit more. And now in the midst of the Christmas bins and moving boxes you will find the mess pictured here.  

Why now? Why would I decided to take all of my files out of the filing cabinets and file everything away by subject area? Well, because I don’t know when else I’m going to do it and I’m not sure if my files will be easy to get to once they are stored away in the new house. I know this will make my teaching life so much easier whenever I go back to teaching. I was always able to find things I needed because everything was alphabetized, but this is going to be so much better. 

Please tell me there is another teacher out there who can relate! Does anyone else feel like the only way to stay sane in the classroom is to be super clean and organized, but has a closed closet full of hidden unfiled papers or something like that? I really hope so because I feel like I am partially confessing to get this secret off my chest and partially because I want to be honest so that other teachers who beat themselves up over not being perfect {like me} can feel like they aren’t alone! 

Well, I am off to file away and be done with this by tonight. Lesson learned here…file everyday, even if it’s just for 10 minutes and even if planning for the next unit sounds like way more fun.

you should see this place

It’s crazy around here. Have I mentioned we are moving? In one month? During all of the holiday hustle and bustle? I knew because of our crazy travel schedule this December and the fact that we are relocating to a new city would mean I’d have to scale back on the Christmas decor, but I just could not live I tell you without a Christmas tree. So we busted out the 6 bins of Christmas {and left 2 more boxes in the garage} so that I could go through them and make sure I got to all our tree ornaments. 

Please allow me to give you an idea of what my house was like exactly one week ago. {And truth be told, not much has changed since these photos were taken.}

Now, you know when you move it allows you the perfect opportunity to go through all of your stuff {All. of. your. stuff!} and get rid of things so that you aren’t packing and hauling what you don’t want or use anymore. It just so happened that our only free Saturday in a 6 week time period was this last Saturday. SO we went into Operation Seek and Purge in overdrive while trying to also put up the tree. Ha!

I am a teacher…currently not teaching with a garage FULL of classroom stuff. And going through ALL of that stuff made me super nostalgic and downright emotional. So I spent an entire {8 hour} day last week going through classroom memories and boohoo-ing over the fact that I am not teaching right now. {Hello? Self-imposed unemployment. Move on and get over it, right? What can I say? I’m a mess.} Going through and purging your things is a lot of work! And my getting all emotional about it did not help matters around here. {Insert a thousand apologies here for that one night last week I was not very nice to my husband because of my bad mood and poor attitude and ridiculously irrational and emotional state.}

|| Isn’t he beautiful??? Oh my goodness – I love him!!! ||

There were piles like this everywhere. Ev.er.y.where! In multiple rooms. It was crazy. Needless to say, I am sooooooooo glad we had the garage sale, got rid of a bunch of stuff, and made some cash money to go towards painting our new house. {Holla!} 

We have currently replaced all of the garage sale piles with empty boxes for packing. If you would like to donate packing boxes to our move, we are accepting all offers. I am also accepting offers for prayer and spa dates. This gal needs the Lord’s wisdom, peace, and joy right now, and a little massage wouldn’t be so bad either. ;)

long weekends

 {This pic is from last Thanksgiving. We didn't get fancy this year.}

I am still reeling over the long weekend. It was positively perfect. What isn’t to love about Thanksgiving and the leftovers? And we did it twice! That’s right. We went to my Uncle’s for the first, official round. Then on Saturday we decided to do it all over again because it was weird not hosting after 4 years of hosting and we wanted in on the fun too. It was delish! I have come to the conclusion that my favorite Thanksgiving meals include homemade goodness from scratch AND a gluten-free menu! Who would have thought!? I am certain that I was the only one on both Thursday and Saturday who was not uncomfortably full, partially because I have found going gluten-free in general has saved me of that plight at every meal and partially because I simply couldn’t eat what everyone else could because I was limited. Come Monday morning the scale said I had lost a pound. What? Lost a pound? That has never happened during Thanksgiving weekend in the history of man, yet the scale does not lie! Did I mention I ate an entire gluten-free pecan pie from Whole Paycheck by myself over the course of 6 days? True story. My body is loving this gluten-free business and my taste buds are happy about it too.

{Never saw that coming!}

The weekend {or week, because we had Maddie for 7 fabulous days} was also wonderful because I had Maddie Bell and Trinity here with me too. And they really enjoyed one another’s company…

We watched the first Christmas movie of the season with the whole family. My littlest sis and her BFF spent the night and we created more inside jokes and laughed a ton. I got wonderful news from a dear friend about her engagement. And we brought home our biggest Christmas tree yet. He is 9 glorious feet tall, 12 years old {I counted the rings at the base of his trunk.}, and we took him right off the truck from North Carolina. And I love him. I have sung, “O Christmas Tree” to him several times already.

My favorite thing about long weekends is that my husband gets to spend them relaxing and hanging out with me. And Trinity. And this weekend Maddy too. And I really, really love that. I hope you're Thanksgiving weekend was just as lovely!

my sister, my friend

To be perfectly honest, there aren’t many friends or acquaintances that I have talked to about their sisters-in-law that can say how much they treasure being family now or go even further in saying that they would consider them to be dear friends. That is why I feel extremely blessed to be able to say both of those things about mine. 

Now we are very much alike in many ways and very different in others, so it took us awhile to figure out how to relate to one another and form a bond. When we first met, Becky was extremely cautious of me and kept her distance, while I tried my hardest to become BFFs at a rate of 0-60 in 4 seconds flat. A major difference between the two of us right there. I cannot blame her; I was after all her brother’s first girlfriend and she loves him dearly and wanted to be sure I was right for him and their family before she herself got too close. Plus, she chooses her friends very carefully and wisely {one reason why I feel so honored to be one of them now}, and my lets-be-best-friends-because-I-can-tell-I-really-like-you-after-5-minutes personality was a little much for her. {Sorry, Beck, for my pushiness back then and thanks for forgiving me of it!}

 

[ the two of us with our first “babies” many moons ago]

I don’t remember exactly when it was we really started clicking, but I just know I am so very glad that we did! I love her so much! She is quiet and I’m loud. I talk too much and too soon, while she chooses her words wisely. There are times when I wonder how on earth she puts up with me given how differently we operate, but she finds it in herself to do so and she loves me in spite of my crazy. She’s a fabulous listener and a great encourager when I tell her of my woes and fears. She is my favorite shopping buddy. I look forward to summers and holiday seasons when I know we will be in the same city for days or weeks at a time. When that happens, I try my hardest to see her everyday. And yes, she is the mother of Cutie Pie and Little Man so part of me wants to see them every chance I can get, but honestly I cherish my time with her too.  

She has always been an extremely strong person. Often times I wonder if she realizes how strong she is because I don’t think she gives herself enough credit! She is an awesome teacher and I love talking teacher stuff with her. She is an amazing mommy and I have learned sooooooooo much from watching her with my niece and nephew and hearing her talk about motherhood and parenting. She loves Jesus and I thank Him on the regular for making us sisters and friends, and for also giving us a firm foundation in Him to deepen our friendship because I consider her one of my best. 

 

Today is her birthday and I really wish that I could be there to celebrate with her {and catch a showing of Breaking Dawn part 1 too}. I love you dearly, my sister and my friend. Praying that you feel very loved and appreciated today and that this year is full of blessing and joy!

Row15

We didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Usually when you witness a group of friends you find a likeness among them. For instance, the group might dress similarly and like the same music or books or movies, and the group will have similar hobbies or enjoy going to the same types of places. But not really with us. Not really at all. We were all so very different. And yet we did have a common thread. We all were young and trying to figure out how to live our lives as an offering to God. Something we all took very seriously. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that we were meant to be. God knew that we needed each other for a season and so it was, whether we made sense or not. 

Beth and I ventured into a new college ministry one Wednesday night back in the Fall of 2002. I am pretty sure that very first night at Breaking Bread someone invited us to be a part of a Discipleship group. {Jenny, was that you? Or Kate maybe?} Beth and I went to the first meeting and we were instantly hooked! We loved the people there. {Side note: We met this guy who walked us to our car. He kept talking about politics! We laughed and rolled our eyes. And now 9 years later Beth has had two babies with him. :) Funny how things turn out.}

If you flip through my journals from that time period in my life you will find all of their names in the pages. Each one of them taught me something about myself, about God, and/or about friendship. That group is very special to me. It was about 12 guys and gals altogether. There were some who trickled in and out, but there was a core group of us who really stuck it out together. We met together weekly in the home of a young couple who set out to mentor and disciple us. I am pretty sure we grew them as much as they helped in growing us. Every week we got together to pray, to read the Word,  to discuss, to dump out our emotional and mental and spiritual baggage, and to wade through the mess together. There were a lot of tears, a lot of laughs, and a lot of memories made. It was amazing while it lasted. As the group dispersed, it was clear that we all were headed in new directions and that our group, while it was meant to be, had served its purpose.  It was time for all of us to move on.  There was no big drama or misunderstanding…it was just time for it to end and so it did. But those friendships and lessons will live on in our own personal history books.

Last weekend the girls of the group had a reunion. At first all 6 of us were going to meet up, but Kate got a job in NY she couldn’t refuse and Abbie kept getting bumped from her flight until there were no more flights to get on! They were both missed tremendously! Beth and I drove to Georgia where we met up with Jenny and Shell drove in from Nashville and met up with us. The weekend was wonderful. All we did was sit in the hotel room, a Starbucks, Jenny’s house, or a restaurant, but it was perfect for catching up on the last 6 years. You can imagine we had a lot of talking to do! These girls were my biggest encouragers in the faith in that ever so formative year in my life. They spurred me on and loved me through quite a bit of junk. It was so awesome to feel like no time had passed. We just fell right back into place. We had new things to discuss and new challenges; we had husbands now and some kids, new jobs, and new cities. But we still wanted what we wanted back then…to live our lives for the Lord and to love others as He called us to. The weekend was like water for my soul. In all honesty, I have trouble finding the right words because these gals mean so much to me and they do so much for my heart. 

Jenny, your sensitivity to the Spirit and the way you communicate what He is teaching you is unique, a Jenny trademark that I admire and love so much about you! Shell, your unapologetic this-is-who-I-am attitude, overflowing joy, honesty, and desire to know and love the Lord is such an encouragement to me and what I love so much about you! Beth, your friendship to me, your honesty, encouragement, love, and willingness to hear me ramble and process through anything and everything while giving me godly council is what I love so much about you! I can’t wait for our next reunion! It will be much sooner than 6 years from now! I don’t know how on earth we survived so long without being together! ;) 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13

felicity

Dear Netflix, thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for having the show, Felicity, in its entirety available for instant streaming. I love you. Dear Ian Gomez, thank you for accepting the part of Javier Clemente Quintata. You are one of my favorite tv characters of. all. time. Dear Season 2 Episode 9, you did not elude me. I am determined. I found you on YouTube. Dear Self-Control, pull yourself together. Just because all 84 episodes are available now does not mean that they all have to be viewed in one week’s time. Dear Netflix, you do remember what aired with Felicity, right? I don’t want to sound unappreciative because believe me, I am! But I’m not going to lie, you’ve got me hoping and praying that this means I will soon get to relive the angst that is Joey Potter’s life. Just sayin’.

my favorite birthday

**Disclaimer: I had been working on this post for two weeks leading up to his actual birthday. I had written it, erased it, written it, edited it, etc. To complicate matters, the last couple of months we have been dealing with a lap top on the fritz and unreliable Internet connection. I couldn’t and still can’t seem to do him justice. I feel really bad that his post of all posts is the one I post so ridiculously late, but I tried to post it on time. I promise. I doubt my words will convey how great he is, but I will try.

We met in 7th grade. I tell people who ask how we met that his first act of chivalry was dissecting the frog alone in 7th grade science. We were lab partners. We were friends back then. I was the girl dating all the stupid jocks. He was the guy who got to hear me complain about them. In the 8th grade, we had a group project to do and the group met at his house. I wasn’t feeling well that day and he was really sweet to me. When my mom came to pick me up, I got in the car and said, “I may be dating That Guy Who’s Totally in Love with Himself, but I will marry Andrew Thompson some day.” No joke. Here is where you ask me why I continued to bother with the jerks jocks if I said that and here is where I would tell you that that is a great question to which I don’t have the answer. Then 9th grade rolled around and he continued to be all chivalrous and got me through algebra. I would not have made it through without him. He sat right in front of me and this non-rule breaker turned around in his seat to help me many a time when he probably wasn’t supposed to.

That year we went to Orlando for a choir trip. We sat together on the bus and he endured girl talk and Seventeen Magazine with me. During that trip, we went to Church Street, which was an Orlando attraction because of it’s shops, restaurants, and mostly for it’s ridiculously freaky haunted house. As part of the “allure” for the haunted house, creatures roamed the street scaring people, even if you weren’t anywhere near the building. That night he sat in Brookstone with me for hours because I wouldn’t go outside onto the street. I didn’t want to be near anything that scary. I don’t do scary. I like to hear him tell the story because he talks about the moment I grabbed his hand to cross the street and run into Brookstone because some kind of werewolf or zombie was coming towards us. I love that he remembers that and that he will say it was the first night we held hands.

Then I transferred and went to a new high school. We kept in touch, but didn’t see each other much for years. Freshman year of college we IMed {if you have to ask me what that means then you are really young and I am getting old} quite a bit and he will tell you that I am the one who encouraged him to go out for men’s glee club. Then one summer we were both home from college and started hanging out. All the time. And the rest is history. 

He is still my knight in shining armor. We went through another algebra class together. This time he volunteered to take the class with me after clearing it with my professor. He sat in and took the notes so I could pay my full attention to the professor. Then he took me home and sat me down to do the homework and tutor me. {Which was no easy task. I was a hostile and resentful learner.}  I went to the first week of that class without him and failed the first exam. After he started going with me, I aced every single exam and quiz I took. Did I mention it was a 7am class? The man is my hero.

I think I could write enough to fill books with the ways he has shown me how he loves me, and the reasons why I think he is the greatest thing God ever came up with. Two reasons why this post was difficult to write; how do you condense all of that and still portray significant meaning? 

He loves the Lord and it was that quality that made me first believe that I could trust him. He is the greatest friend a girl could ask for and I am so blessed to share life with him. We have been through a lot together. He has loved me at my worst. He has the patience and gentleness of a saint. A SAINT, I tell you! He is good to me. He works hard and he is an amazing husband. I can’t wait to see him with our kids one day. He’s pretty funny too. He can make me laugh and smile in those moments when I don’t even want to. I love him dearly. I don’t tell him or show him that enough. He is my favorite person and my very best friend. His birthday is my favorite of all birthdays.

Babe, I am sorry this came so late. I love you so much! I hope you had a very happy birthday and that this is one of your very best years yet.

so…what’s up with that?

via

So someone said to me recently that my blog had become the birthday post blog. I realize this is true. The reason for that is 1. pretty much half of everyone I know was born in July-September and 2. I have not been feeling like much of a blogger because I've been in a funk. And who wants to read sad, sappy, funky stuff all the time? So most of my bloggity blogging has been birthday celebrating instead of woe is me saga writing. I think I'm back though so stay tuned. Oh, and my next post is going to be Andrew's birthday post. Yeah, I know he was born August 14th. It's been written for awhile now, but since he's my favorite person I had the hardest time writing and perfecting his post. Aaaaaand he is my photo scanner and I was trying to figure out how to scan pics without him so his birthday blog post would be full of surprising, sweet, sentimental snapshots, but alas, he's going to have to scan those puppies tonight because I just can't do it!

1000

This last week I got to my One Thousandth Gift in my gratitude journal. I remember thinking all along as I got closer and closer to #1,000 that I hoped it would be cool, because some days I can write down fifteen things I am thankful for and on others I struggle to write one. So, I thought...what if my one thousandth gift comes on one of those days? And it sort of did.

I've been going through something. It's been in the works for a long time now. And these last few weeks have been hard because I've begun to really deal with that. I think I have been running after and away from the wrong things. For a long time now. And I have started to put those things in their proper places. Slowly. Because old, bad habits die hard, painful deaths.

I have begun to tip-toe away from perfectionism and ideals and it-ought-to-be-this-ways. It's hard to do that. I mean, I put so much pressure on myself and others and it's hard not to because that self-imposed pressure, in all of it's unhealthy glory, gives me a sense of control. So when I am tempted to turn around and pick up one of those idealistic perfectionisms and hold them close to my heart I have to retrain my focus and remind myself what it's all about. Not me. It is not about me. It is about Him. Pursue Him. His Word. His Presence. His Spirit. Him. It is about Him.

My life is not my own. It was a gift. And not only did He give me that, but He did something even wilder. He died to bring me life, abundant and full. And He gave me His Word and the Holy Spirit that I might know Him and know that He is with me.  And when I am running after His heart and His Word, I am pursuing knowledge, wisdom, peace, joy, etc. in the only How-To Manual that I can rely on. The one I have been authoring is quite useless; I can assure you because it is full of impossible expectations and is riddled with formula after formula for failure.

So I am really grateful for change. Though it hurts and it's hard. I am grateful for admitting how flawed I am and how prideful I have been because it takes the pressure off...in a weird way. I am grateful that God loves me and that He is patient and faithful and would never chide me for my foolishness, that He accepts me and loves me as I am. A total mess. And that He calls me out in love through His Word, but doesn't expect me to fix myself on my own because He reassures me that messes are His specialty and if I let Him, He will do the fixing.

And I am grateful that He gave me a wonderful husband because in this world we live in wonderful husbands and good men are rare. But God gave me this amazing man who can handle this mess. Without judgement. Without anger. Without resentment. Without fill-in-the-blank with a sentiment that would be perfectly acceptable and deserved. And he loves me where I am at too. A mess. And he helps me see that this mess, me, I am beautiful because I am a work in progress, not an ideal of beauty to be attained eventually through my self-imposed pressures and perfectionisms.

there’s something about friendship built during the college days

She and I became great friends in college. I can’t remember exactly how we met (Julia, can you? Was it that Speech class?), but I am pretty certain one of the first getting-to-know-you conversations took place in her car. I remember that I just really liked her from the very get go. She is super sweet, but the girl can pack a punch (figuratively speaking). She’s got some spunk in her! I could always count on her to get “worked up” whenever I told her how someone had done me wrong. She may have even uttered the words, “Girl will make me lose my witness” when faced with an encounter of someone who had hurt my feelings. It’s a good feeling to know you’ve got friends like her in your corner.

Maybe we both have some spunk in us…

 

She went with me to adopt Trinity. She actually encouraged me to do it. I am really grateful to her for pushing me because I can’t imagine not having my little Trin. A year later when Julia and I moved in together she and Trinity formed a special bond though Trinity would never admit it. Trinity would curl up in Julia’s lap and pass out, but the second I turned my key in the front door she would spring up and act as if she had been waiting by the door for hours. Julia and I used to joke about it. 

Julia, Beth, and I lived together for two years and it was fantastic! It was so wonderful to come HOME to friends who felt more like family. Julia was a wonderful roomie. She was patient, honest, kind. She cared for me when I was sick and kept me company when I was lonely. We had so much fun together and I will always look fondly on that and part of me will always miss that time in our lives.

Julia brought the party to my bachelorette weekend. Allow these pictures to do the talking...

She and her mother came to the bridal shower I had in Tampa. I had no idea they were coming and I cried when they walked through the door.

 We each were bridesmaids for the other. 

One thing I will never forget about Julia is that she was always Andrew’s biggest fan from the very beginning. Not that my other great friends weren’t, but they were a bit more careful in giving their all out approval in light of the things I had been through. But Julia loved him for me right away.

Julia and I only get to see each other about once a year. I am hoping that will get to change soon as we will be moving closer. I know that I don’t tell her enough how much I miss her and how much I value her friendship!

This week was Julia’s birthday week. I hope you felt very loved and celebrated dear friend! I love you. Happy Birthday!