1000

This last week I got to my One Thousandth Gift in my gratitude journal. I remember thinking all along as I got closer and closer to #1,000 that I hoped it would be cool, because some days I can write down fifteen things I am thankful for and on others I struggle to write one. So, I thought...what if my one thousandth gift comes on one of those days? And it sort of did.

I've been going through something. It's been in the works for a long time now. And these last few weeks have been hard because I've begun to really deal with that. I think I have been running after and away from the wrong things. For a long time now. And I have started to put those things in their proper places. Slowly. Because old, bad habits die hard, painful deaths.

I have begun to tip-toe away from perfectionism and ideals and it-ought-to-be-this-ways. It's hard to do that. I mean, I put so much pressure on myself and others and it's hard not to because that self-imposed pressure, in all of it's unhealthy glory, gives me a sense of control. So when I am tempted to turn around and pick up one of those idealistic perfectionisms and hold them close to my heart I have to retrain my focus and remind myself what it's all about. Not me. It is not about me. It is about Him. Pursue Him. His Word. His Presence. His Spirit. Him. It is about Him.

My life is not my own. It was a gift. And not only did He give me that, but He did something even wilder. He died to bring me life, abundant and full. And He gave me His Word and the Holy Spirit that I might know Him and know that He is with me.  And when I am running after His heart and His Word, I am pursuing knowledge, wisdom, peace, joy, etc. in the only How-To Manual that I can rely on. The one I have been authoring is quite useless; I can assure you because it is full of impossible expectations and is riddled with formula after formula for failure.

So I am really grateful for change. Though it hurts and it's hard. I am grateful for admitting how flawed I am and how prideful I have been because it takes the pressure off...in a weird way. I am grateful that God loves me and that He is patient and faithful and would never chide me for my foolishness, that He accepts me and loves me as I am. A total mess. And that He calls me out in love through His Word, but doesn't expect me to fix myself on my own because He reassures me that messes are His specialty and if I let Him, He will do the fixing.

And I am grateful that He gave me a wonderful husband because in this world we live in wonderful husbands and good men are rare. But God gave me this amazing man who can handle this mess. Without judgement. Without anger. Without resentment. Without fill-in-the-blank with a sentiment that would be perfectly acceptable and deserved. And he loves me where I am at too. A mess. And he helps me see that this mess, me, I am beautiful because I am a work in progress, not an ideal of beauty to be attained eventually through my self-imposed pressures and perfectionisms.

onward

I took a blogging hiatus, and now I am hoping to get back at it. I have not felt compelled to write much, even though I want to want to..."blogger's" block perhaps? I am 2 1/2 weeks late on my Multitudes on Mondays post. Instead of throwing it away, I am going to pick a few things here and there from my very long list to share with you.

The following will represent 229. - 302.

Trinity going around the house with me as I cleaned
a clean and tidy house
prayer
tug-o-war with Maddy Bell
talking to Lauren for a few seconds; always good to hear her voice
hearing Alexa's voicemail to Mimi and Papa
delicious new recipe

having great friends like Brian and Rachel, who always house us when we're in Orlando
Spencer waking me up in the morning to tell me to come "pay" with him
breakfast on Park Ave
sitting next to Cynthia at church

walking around Lake Eola and seeing all of the swan mamas and their babies

Leah and Trevor's wedding

Spending time with this little guy and his mama

Cynthia and I getting away for a couple of hours just us for the first time in years
hanging out, talking, singing, game playing at the Madsen's with the Scholz's
meeting up with Beth for some much needed just-us-girls time/excited to do that more often soon
hanging out with my family
singing while Andrew played the guitar
having a husband who is great with babies/kids...that's hot
3 a.m. cuddles with Trin




afternoon tea with two wonderful ladies and friends
summer breeze
catching up with Becky over the phone
lots of Sonia time

I look forward to adding to my list each night. I hop into bed and grab my journal with the anticipation of writing these things down to commit them to memory. It has become a realization that though I write these things down I might be missing the forest for the trees. So this week I have made a concentrated effort in stopping what I am doing to literally bend my heart toward God in praise and thanksgiving for what He has blessed and filled my life with the moment I realize I am experiencing something that will inevitably end up on my list. It's become a much more meaningful and intimate practice that way.

"learning requires practice"

This list is really important to me. I would like to tell you why. But I think Ann communicates it far better than I, so I will give you quotes from her book that I relate to so well. It was like she was talking about me, for me.

"...the list, it feels foreign, strange. Long, I am woman who speaks but one language, the language of the fall -- discontentment and self-condemnation, the critical eye and the never satisfied." -pg 46

"I almost don't see it, but Paul repeats it twice in only two sentences, so I don't miss it:

I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little." (Philippians 4:11-12)

I read it many times, groping for the latch.
There it is -- the secret to living joy in every situation, the full life of eucharisteo{grace. thanksgiving. joy.} Twice Paul whispers it: 'I have learned...' Learned. I would have to learn eucharisteo. Learn eucharisteo -- learn it to live fully." -pg 47

My default is to grumble and to complain. To cry out, "Why me?" in the most trivial of circumstances when I step back to really look at the bigger picture. So what changes a heart like that? This. This joy found in God's Word and in His Presence. His Grace. And my choosing to say, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." for loving me and gifting me with sweet moments and terrible moments, both of which bring me to my knees and closer to His Heart.

 But it's a fight sometimes a lot of the time to have such discipline. To choose to be grateful. To stop and take the time to acknowledge the gift. So I'm practicing and I'm learning.

DISCLAIMER: Most of the pictures in this post were taken with an iPhone, and an old one at that, so the quality of most of these pictures is not so pretty. But it's the thought that counts.

180. - 228.

spending another night with Sonia at the hospital; playing with her; her smiles

His healing hand

friends in Miami

being home with Andrew after a night away

hearing how Trinity missed me & cried at the door when I didn't come home

feeling good about working out

Sonia finally released from the hospital

the pretty red cardinal on the gate

kitty cat in laundry basket

blogging about BSF

reflecting on Isaiah 

cooking dinner

bringing dinner over to Sonia's host family and hanging out/playing with the whole family

making Sonia smile and holding her most of the night

inspiring blogs

feeling accomplished after filing and organizing

Trinity wanting to be held and her little cat kisses

catching up with Kellie and Jorge

cooking a new recipe well

dinner with our community group

"making his day" with one simple text

laughing and playing with Andrew

kissing on his lunch break

another nap with a sweet kitty in the crook of my arm

3 nights in a row of hanging out with great people/Kellie, Jorge, and Stacey came over tonight

catching up with Cynthia on the phone

waking up well rested

morning walk and talk with my love

sunshine through trees and a backdrop of blue skies

evidence of new life

washing dishes together

afternoon nap with the hubby

cooking those delicious potatoes again, together

Andrew surprising me with delicious grilled steak {and I thought he'd been grilling chicken}

warm and crispy chocolate chip cookies dipped in milk

finding lots of inspiration/ideas on Pinterest {may need intervention. gratitude turned prayer request. ha.}

smiles and laughter from the husband

another morning walk

school of minnows jumping because of a chase

singing at church

singing/praying Healer for Sonia

holding and feeding Sonia after church -- IN church!

a red, ripe, sweet{est} strawberry

another long walk and talk

going through "Tuesday's" questions

a pretty yellow "weed"

the light from a sunset bouncing off walls, windows, and water

a pink sunset
hearing and processing through a sermon {Grace Now} on a passage I never really understood

BSF edition

This blog post covers numbers 150.-159. on my way to counting up to One Thousand Gifts.

I have committed to posting the things that I am thankful for and sharing them here with a community of bloggers. Usually I literally copy the list from my journal onto a post, but this week I am going to have to devote an entire post to BSF because my heart simply cannot contain all the gratitude and joy from my experience within a list. So much can be said about what BSF has meant to me so I will do my best to organize my thoughts here. Whenever I doubt my decision not to teach this year and stay home I think of BSF and my doubts vanish. The Wednesday mornings from this last September until this May were meant to be spent at BSF for me; in a classroom that did not belong to me.

The ladies at BSF and my discussion group:

The ladies in my discussion group were such beautiful encouragers to me. Most of them probably have no idea I feel that way. I have always been a talker, a person who wears their heart on their sleeve and just might share too much. But this year in my group I found myself to be so quiet. God was prompting this silence for my heart. I needed to listen more this year than share. So I did. Most weeks I may have said one thing here or there, but for the most part I sat and listened and soaked it all in. The wisdom, passion, sorrow, struggle, faith, and humility of these women were the water for my soul and they allowed me to grow.

Each week I sat in a sanctuary with 400+ women and surveyed the room with awe and wonder. Here we all were because we shared the same longing. We were desperate to know more of our Lord and His Word and we felt and knew that Wednesday mornings were hallowed ground for our travel weary hearts. We came together, a sisterhood, who may not have recognized one another's faces, but who recognized one another's heart hunger. That is something so sweet and so dear to me. A room of 400+ women, who sing praises and promises together on Wednesday mornings in preparation for an eternity when we will all come together and do it again.

The Children's Program:

I don't have children of my own yet, but I cannot sing the praises of the children's program at BSF enough! I volunteered in the kids classes and witnessed first-hand how incredible the teaching of these tender hearts is at BSF. I loved watching the teachers share the stories, lead discussions, pray for and with the kids, and sing songs. There is nothing more precious than a toddler talking excitedly about Jesus! I also have the privilege of calling a BSF mom, friend, and she shared story after story of the things her kids were learning, discussing, and applying to their lives at the ripe old age of 2 and 3. I am excited and hopeful that I will be a mom someday, and when that day comes I will be so eager to bring them with me to BSF.

Please visit my friend's blog and read her account of what the children's program has meant to her and her family. You will be blessed!

My wonderful leader and Barbara:

The leadership at BSF has ministered to my heart in a way that will leave a lasting impact. I have been encouraged, challenged, humbled, and inspired by them. My discussion leader was a constant source of encouragement to me. She always had words of wisdom and a story to share that helped us relate to one another. I looked forward to her calls each week, and was always so disappointed when I missed them. Her peace and calm spoke volumes to me. She taught me so much.

Then there are the teaching leaders who lecture each Wednesday morning. They are incredible women of faith whose insights and gift for communication blessed me so much each week. I wish every woman in the area would come to experience the lecture for yourself. You will feel as though you've gained a friend who is speaking right into your life wherever you're at.  

Friendships that have blossomed:

BSF has been a blessing in the friend department, too. God brought some seriously sweet friends into my life through this year's study. I, like the Israelites in the desert with Moses, was grumbling and heart heavy because I did not have what I felt like I needed. And though He did not have to, He sent me manna straight from Heaven in the form of beautiful encouragers. I longed for deeper friendships. I longed for real conversations. I longed to talk about and hear about the moving and changing God was doing in another woman's life. Those are my favorite type of conversations and I had gone so long without. But that all changed this year when God brought me to BSF and gifted me with one friend who manages to look like the cover of an Anthro catalogue while chasing 3 under the age of 4 with grace and another friend who's smile and joy makes her more beautiful and radiant with each coffee date. I am blessed to call them my friends! 

God's Word and His character:

The most valuable gain through BSF was spending so much time each week really delving into the Word. Isaiah is an incredible book and I learned so much. I learned some history. I learned how faithful God has always been. I've learned about who He is in greater depth and I find that I love Him more now than ever before. I have more faith and trust in Him than ever before. I have a greater peace in seeing the evidences of His sovereignty and His great love throughout the book of Isaiah because I know that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever more. Words cannot adequately express how sweet it is has been to camp out in the book of Isaiah and hear God whisper right into my soul.

multiplying joy

"Thanks is what multiplies the joy and makes any life large, and I hunger for it." -Ann Voskamp

This week has been crazy, hence the lack of blogging! I have to say, I really look forward to Mondays because it's the day of the week that I recount all of the things I was especially thankful for the previous 7 days and it reminds me that life is really, really good even when I think it's not so.

97.-139.

waking up in my own bed

see-you-later kisses

missing Andrew

Andrew getting out board games after work/him making me smile/laughing

beautiful singing voices

the chapter interviews with Ann Voskamp

reading/absorbing/processing One Thousand Gifts

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

hope for the future

petting Maddy Bell

hard conversations

longing for his touch and warmth

studying the book of Isaiah

singing Come Thou Long Expected Jesus

encouragement and hugs from a friend

Martha's teaching

Isaiah 26:3

candle light and bubble baths

playing Wii Resort with Kellie and laughing

Leah Lou's silliness and laughter

sunshine

finding a new doctor that I like

visiting Sonia

hanging out with Emelyne

tutoring at Touching Miami with Love

running into Aunt Kathy at the mall

winning a Bible verse print from Naptime Diaries

spending Andrew's lunch break with him and stealing some kisses

sitting on the porch with Maddy Bell and reading

getting things done around the house
reading Proverbs

spending an evening with great friends for a movie under the stars

kitty cat kisses

catching up and laughing with an old friend on the phone
lazy Saturday afternoon
intimacy
last minute late night movie with friends
patience
good food
skyping with Alexa and my in-laws
celebrating Mother's Day

dinner and playing the Wii with family

the Pioneer Woman's Life by Chocolate cupcakes {the baking & the eating}

"...they are just the common things and maybe I don't even know they are gifts really until I write them down and that is really what they look like. Gifts He bestows. This writing it down -- it is sort of like...unwrapping love." -Ann Voskamp

and so it begins

I was bummed that I wasn't able to post this yesterday, but better late than never. I am linking up with Ann Voskamp's blog today for Multitudes on Mondays {even though it's Tuesday}.  This past week I wrote down and kept track of the things I was thankful for each day. This is the beginning of the 1,000 and more.

1.-42.

good morning kisses

conversation as we get ready for church

spending time in worship with a great church community

watching my very favorite movie with Andy

a tidy house

having my family over for dessert and a movie

the facebook study group for 1,000 gifts

working out at a free gym

napping with Trinity curled in the crook of my arm

talking with Holly on the phone

grocery shopping with Andrew

Isaiah 59:21

Kellie and Jorge

writing a blog post and reflecting on friendship

Lucas passed hearing test

Isaiah 60 and Revelation 22

increasing time on elliptical

prayer time

line dancing class with Andrew, my MIL, and his grandpa

video for ch 1 of 1,000 gifts

interacting with ladies in facebook study group

being challenged spiritually by my BSF discussion group and lecture

lunch with Lisa

being asked to be a leader for something dear to my heart

dinner with Lizzy

hearing that my words encouraged dear friends

getting called in for subbing jobs

being married to a great guy

praying to the God who listens

my verse cards

The Word

Maundy Thursday service at Crossbridge

singing How Deep the Father's Love for Us

singing Jesus, What a Friend for Sinners

sitting with Maddy on the floor

Good Friday -- Jesus' sacrifice

sun beams and cool breezes

a good workout

a long awaited package on the doorstep

cooking a new meal

playing with Trinity

Reading at Barnes and Noble

It was good for me to go back through my week in this regard. It was a hard week, yet look how wonderful it really was!

the beginning of a book study

I just started reading the book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp with some friends and friends of friends through a facebook group/community. We just started yesterday and I am pumped about the study and the concept of the book. I am really looking forward to having dialogue with these ladies about the importance of thankfulness and how the regular practice of gratitude plays out in our every day lives. I think this is going to be powerful stuff and I can't wait to feel the impact. The author, Ann Voskamp, has an inspiring blog that I like to read. She has given us a great resource to use while we read the book and make gratitude more of a natural response than something we have to do after a birthday, shower, or Christmas when we sit down to write our thank-you cards. Go here and after you read her blog post you will see the link for the handy dandy printable.

I had trouble printing it. If you have trouble like I did try this:

Go to the File drop menu and click on Print Setup. Then choose landscape for the paper orientation.

Stay in Page Setup and select Paper quality. Click on the little box that says Borderless Printing. Then click okay and print and you should be good to go.

I've got a journal to write down the gifts that I am grateful for each day, but I thought this little booklet would be fun to have in my purse to jot down whatever comes to me wherever I'm at. Plus, it's so darn cute. And I don't mind transferring my gifts from the booklet to my journal. There certainly can't be any harm in a review!

I am joining Ann and many other bloggers in Multitudes on Mondays, in which we share the many blessings God has gifted us with throughout the week. I only have one day of this practice under my belt, but I just can't wait to get started; I am so excited about it! I don't know how I will normaly post this, but for today I will include what I recorded yesterday.

1.Good morning kisses
2. Conversation as we get ready for church
3. Spending time in worship with a great church community
4. Watching my very favorite movie with Andrew (he's so sweet to endure it)
5. A tidy house
6. The facebook study group for One Thousand Gifts
7. Having my family over for dessert and the latest Disney movie