domestic goddess, i am not

…but I would really like to be. My husband works really hard. His job is busy and stressful. (Whose isn’t, right?) And my job is…well, I don’t have one (thank you, honey). So, I’d like to make it my job to make our house a sanctuary for him to come to after a long day in the office. The last 4 months have been ROUGH. And let’s face it, before that things were definitely better around the house with my not working 24/7 and all, but there was still a ton of room for improvement. For four months we have been living in complete and total chaos. We moved in, found out I was pregnant and then I began hugging the porcelain throne all day, everyday for a solid 10 weeks. Shortly after that I had a flare up with the Crohn’s Disease and was down for the count again. These last two weeks I have finally had energy! A long lost friend! And I am finally ready to unpack those boxes and purge pretty much, oh…you know…like, half of our belongings since we have lived without them anyway for 4 months! And I want to scrub, clean, and disinfect every square inch of our home, too. (Nesting anyone?) So, imagine my excitement this last week when I was reading Real Simple magazine and stumbled across their cleaning guide! Um, a girl like me needs guidance like that. I once told my mother-in-law that I just wanted to watch her clean the house because, seriously people, I feel clueless. Judge away. It is what it is and I’m just being totally honest here. 

So this has lead to me creating a Pinterest board devoted to cleaning and pinning cleaning products onto a Pinterest board like a total dork. I can’t afford to go on a cleaning shopping spree {oh! That would be fun.} and I will definitely forget the things I read about this week just days from now. So pin away I will. I’m going to try to purchase the products a little at a time until I have an arsenal of the best cleaning products on the market today. I mean, a godess of any kind must have the best of things in order to qualify and I am determined to be deemed as such! I have not been able to open up our new home to guests. I have feared a random, unexpected knock on the door because of the chaos, dust, and downright messiness. I was disheartened by that because I really want our house to be a place where people always feel welcome. So I am pleased to say that the house is finally well on it’s way to being a haven! Stop on by for a drink and a visit. Just be sure to use a coaster because I just wiped down the coffee table. ;)  

***This post is really, really old. I just found it the other day and realized I had written it 4/5 months ago and then forgot about it completely. Thought I would still post it for fun.***

hiatus

So I have been M.I.A. I’ve wanted to blog. In fact, I’ve probably written 50 posts in my head since the last one I published. There are a few drafts in the works too. Truth is I don’t want to blog if my blogging isn’t peppered with happy tones and giggles. I don’t want to be dishonest either. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could breeze thru life happily, giggling along the way all of the time? Here’s the truth…I have been more unhappy in the last year of my life than ever before. And I have longed for laughter. Here’s another truth…happiness isn’t the most important thing. Holiness is. Leaning into and learning from God’s presence is. So I have been stuck in a state of unhappiness forgetting all about the hope and the joy that was given to me to keep and treasure as mine all mine for always. Instead of focusing on the eternal things, I have literally had day after day that I longed to just lie down and give up. Say forget it. Who cares? Whatever! Because I have been focusing on things that don’t really matter.

Don’t fret. I am not talking about leaving this world forever because it all seems too hard to handle. I literally mean I have wanted to lie down and not do a thing and give up entirely. And believe me, some days I have done just that. I can’t share all of the details. Some would make your hair curl. There are parts of my life that feel more like a novel plot or movie scene at the moment, and I would really like to make my exit from the story. It isn’t one of those romantic comedies or feel good types. {I can’t say more without sharing information that isn’t mine to share.} Then there is the whole insanity that is my house right now. Concrete, dusty floors for 5 entire months and not feeling like I can settle and move in completely until the floors eventually go down. {Oh, please may the floors be in before this baby arrives in September!} And everywhere I look there is chaos. And no safe, soft place to land. So I am tired. And I just want to lie down. Give up.

A couple of Mondays ago I finally reached the breaking point. I finally lost it. I just cried and cried and cried and cried. It was the first morning of one of two Summer Bible studies that I am attending. And just like God has proved time and time again, His timing is perfect. That very morning I walk into a Bible study in a building I’ve never stepped foot in before and hear the leader talk in a way that spoke directly, intimately into my heart. She spoke about wanting to just  literally fall on the floor and not get up because things in our life have made us feel totally dejected. Or as my dear Anne of Green Gables would say, life had brought me into “the depths of despair.” It felt like too much to take on and bear the weight of so it stopped me in my tracks and literally left me feeling immobile. To hear this woman talk about despair in the exact same way it had made me feel…you can’t imagine the energy it took to hold back the tears in a room with 100 women who I simply couldn’t be vulnerable with yet.

God and His timing. Turns out I am not alone. He reached His hand down that morning. More likely, I finally looked up long enough to see it there and grab hold. Why do I forget how much He cares? Why do I not believe that He has a salve for every single hurt and wound? Why don’t I trust that His strength and power is available to me and for me all of the time? How could I have forgotten that happiness is not His goal for me, but holiness is and that hope and joy are literally rights given to me that no one or no thing could take from me; Christ secured my hope and my joy. What a relief. Do I feel happy all of the time since that Monday morning’s break through? Nope! Do I have renewed faith and hope that things are going to get better and do I find joy in God’s Word and promises? Yep! Do I have hope that God isn’t through with me yet and that I am a work in progress? Uuuuuummmmm, definitely! Do I find joy in watching Him work and seeing evidence of that in my life and the lives of others? Sure do.

So I am in the process of reorienting my focus and regaining perspective though my circumstances have not changed. I am moving forward, even if it means slowly with timid baby steps through my circumstances at the moment. At least I am moving! And I am loving this verse right now because circumstances are only implied while the things that are certain are God’s character and the promises that come from being in His presence… “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

So I am going to start blogging again. Even when it isn’t pretty. Because maybe someone will read it who needs to know they aren’t alone or someone needs a little encouragement and something I say may resonate for them. And I am going to blog again because in the midst of the chaos and the dark days, I have plenty of “happy” to share too. After all, there is a baby on the way! And I am married to my best friend! And God has placed fabulous people in my life to pour into me!   

real housewife of orange county

Hi! Remember me? I did not drop off the face of the planet though it may seem that way. The last two months were busy, busy, busy with Christmas, packing, moving, and improving. I am quite sad that I did not get to blog through Christmas. It’s my favorite time of year and I took some really great pictures that I was really excited about posting. Who knows? I still might. I didn’t feel much like blogging. Christmas felt weird. We only pulled out an 1/8th of our decorations and we were so busy with travel, saying our goodbyes and packing that it just felt…different. I think the crazy mix of emotions over leaving Miami and moving to Orlando did me in, too. So here is hoping next Christmas is bloggerific with much more reflection on it’s importance and celebrations.

I am officially a real housewife of Orange County. Not the type with a glorious tan, pouty lips, designer jeans, and luxurious locks with a whole lot of drama. Just the unpacking boxes still and trying to make our first house feel like a home type. I completely adore our neighborhood. We are just 10 minutes from downtown and we live in a place that feels like it might have back in the day. Quaint and charming. Parks everywhere. Shops and restaurants a stones throw away. Complete with friendly, welcoming neighbors! AND I am a proud owner of an annual pass to the Happiest Place on Earth. Life is good! 

I’ll have to post pics and posts about the improvements going on around here. Don’t hold your breath for anything nearly as amazing or insightful as Young House Love. Those types of things we leave for the professionals. I am off to delve into Acts and my BSF study questions. In all of this busy, busy, busy I have not had nearly enough time to be quiet and still. I’m going to go make time for that right now. I need it!