"the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day(s)"

This last week or so has just been “one of those weeks.” Nothing seems to go smoothly. You know what I’m talking about. All of the cookbooks fall over when you reach for one on the top of the fridge…again. The pickle jar is sealed so tight you can’t open it and you’re home alone. You play phone tag with the 15 people you are trying to talk to or make an appointment with or get information from. You realize the one thing you really want to wear is at the bottom of the hamper and no amount of perfume and Downy Wrinkle release is going to make it presentable. You have a headache…again. You are missing an ingredient for the recipe you were planning on making for dinner. You’re running late…again. You’re hair is being difficult and won’t go up the way you want it to no matter how many times you try beating it into submission. One of those weeks.



And those are just some of the things that got to me this week and those things don’t even matter. My heart was in that state these last several days. It felt knocked down, closed off, alone, all over the place, disheveled and forgotten, hurt, forgetful, always one step away from a breakthrough, and defiant . I was upset with some of my circumstances. I was disappointed in the way I had handled some things. My feelings got hurt and I was rehashing things from the past. I had dropped the ball and had not met some goals. I felt like I was going backwards. I felt like there was too much on my plate and I just wanted to have it easy…for once. I was feeling downright defeated.


Then I did the stupidest thing ever. I didn’t pray. I didn’t read my Bible. I didn’t seek His face.


And I stayed down.


Defeated.


Then Wednesday morning came and it was time to go to BSF. I was running late…because of my hair. I also had not done my lesson for the second time ever and was not excited about going to the discussion without having done my lesson. Did I mention I had a headache? So we all meet in the sanctuary to sing a few hymns and pray before we go into our discussion groups and the songs begin lifting my spirits and the state of my heart a bit even though I missed most of them. (I am sure the woman standing behind me looked upon the state of my hair, understood why I was rushing in mid-hymn, and immediately felt sorry for me.) Then we were dismissed and I go to class. And as always, the energetic passion these women have for Jesus and the way God restores things throughout history and our little lives begins to resonate in me. My heart began to open up and I felt camaraderie with them all as I sat and listened to the things they shared. My heart began to focus as verse after verse was read and I was reminded that the God who I love and who claims me as His own was not done fixing me up and that He always remembered me. And as I allowed my heart to remember and the healing to wash over me I felt like I was coming back to the place I had been just a couple of weeks ago when I was allowing God to really work on my heart and break through some tough stuff. I sat there and wondered why on earth I would ever have a defiant spirit toward a God so tender, so loving, and so wise.


Has my week gotten any better? Honestly? Not really. The pickle jar is still too tight and my hair is still defiant, but my heart is in a much better place so I can handle it a bit better. Things won’t always go my way, whether it be recipes or circumstances. But I’m learning that a hurting, seeking heart in the hands of the Father is much more pliable and resilient than a hurting, defiant heart left to itself.

the day of luuuuurve

I know that there are a million people who think that Valentine's Day is really dumb. I know Hallmark, Target, Godiva, and florists love the suckers who fall into the trap. I know a lot of people think that the day brings on this awful pressure for guys to be the romantics they may not be and the women who want that romance let it be known to their men that they have great expectations. {Enter the 485 men at Publix at 7am feverishly reading the 7 cards left over.} And I'll give it to you...the holiday that claims there is one special day to declare love has its' absurdities and we ought to be romancing and wooing our One and Only's every day. With that said...I still love Valentine's Day! What's so bad about boxes of chocolates in the shape of hearts and loads of cards to choose from with BRIGHT PINK envelopes! Hey, I know it's Valentine's Day everyday in my house...but I will always love the 14th of February.  

On the Day of Love I spent some time assembling wedding invitations for my sister. Such fun!

I also received this beauty! Which I was not expecting even though I had been gushing about it for days! We don't normally do gifts on Valentine's Day so I was thrilled when I heard the hubby say that I had one waiting for me. Our friend, Rachel, has a very talented sister who makes and designs jewelry. I love, love, love her stuff and her style. I usually want pretty much everything she lists and whenever I see that my favorite pieces have been sold I feel so sad! So imagine my heart break when this necklace was gone within days of it first being listed...little did I know! All of Rebecca's jewelry is handmade, one of a kind. Check her stuff out at Spencer Morgan Designs!

I tell you we don't do gifts and then I tell you about our gifts. Confusing, right? Look, Andrew is always giving me things, surprising me, giving into me (I might be persistent and persuasive, a little) and doing things for me. With all of that in mind, I decided I would surprise him with a gift. A few weeks ago Em over at Today's Letters posted about the neatest thing! She and her husband had received a tiny letter that was made by the company Leafcutter Designs. I loved it so much that I decided to send one to my Valentine and to give him a clue in it about his real gift...a segway tour. He's always wanted to ride one of those things and since I want to be his adventurous sidekick I bought us tickets.

For dinner I decided to try making something he really likes to order at restaurants. This is the quicker and cheaper version of that sort of thing since I was trying to pinch the pennies. It's a french dip sandwich. I found the recipe I really wanted to make over at Pioneer Woman {love her}, but had to try this recipe from Rachel Ray due to time and money and was not disappointed at all. SO DELICIOUS! But next time I have 40 bucks burning a hole in my pocket I am going with the Pioneer Woman! (For the record...I am assuming that huge slab of meat in her pictures cost about 30 bucks...but I could be wrong and it could be cheap...I didn't even go look in the meat section when I went to the grocery store...feel free to enlighten me.)

Happy Love Day!



sweet retreat

I am in Orlando this week with my dear friend, Beth. She called a few weeks ago asking if I would be up for an adventure...her husband would be leaving on a business trip for a week and she was not looking forward to being home alone with her two very young (and very adorable, i might add) boys...she wanted to know if I would be up for staying with them to help her out and keep her company. I sat and thought it over for 1.3 seconds and then said, heck yes! Could I turn her down? Not only was she offering me a few days to spend with her, but I would also get to love on her boys...so for me, a girl who needs deep conversations and good laughs and a baby fix...it couldn't have been a better offer. There is just something about spending quality time with someone who knows your history so well and who you can be real with no matter what the topic. And there is something really amazing in spending time with a sweet friend's children. These kids were the very same kids we talked about way back in our freshman year of college when we talked about our hopes and dreams for the future. And ten years later I get to dance with them on my feet, sing songs to them and help them put their shoes on. Nothing else like it, and no words good enough to describe the feeling. I love being here with them! And the funniest part is that she thinks she has to find some way to repay me to show me her appreciation! Beth, consider the way E says my name and the way Noah smiles at me thanks enough! When does your hubby leave for business again?

home is where your heart is

If you know me well at all, then you know that I talk about the 407 as if it is the Promised Land. Although I grew up in Miami, the six years I lived in Orlando were enough for me to make it and call it home. When I left Miami I didn’t look back and I had no intention of returning. Then I found out that I would have to move back because of Andrew’s job. I was not happy about it. I came back here with my heels firmly dug and dragging in the dirt. I held onto my 407 area code as if it would save me from my reality, and the day I had it switched to 305 I went into mourning. Would I ever get back home? Was this really it?


Miami is so not me. I am not flashy. I am not designer. I am not artsy or well cultured. I am not rich. I do not have the body it takes to walk around in Spandex as if it were considered an acceptable outfit. I do not speak Spanish. I am not of Latin decent. I do not have a fancy car. I do not desire to have a night life. I don’t party. I do not know how to dress the part, act the part, and speak the part of a Miamian.

I need community. I long to have friends that are willing to be vulnerable and real. I need a church where the Gospel is preached and not diluted. I want to live in a neighborhood where the neighbors actually speak to each other. I want good schools for my future children. I want to be surrounded by people, who for the most part, are nice and considerate of others. I want to live in a quieter place where the mantra of me me me isn’t heard in the buzz and the go go go of the city.

So for a really long time I lived here in Miami, but I only loved Orlando. I wouldn’t even think about giving Miami a chance. I thought about Miami as a very temporary place for me to lay all my stuff down for awhile. I had written it off and was just looking forward to the day when I could pack up all my stuff and finally take it home. I didn’t think that all the things I “needed” to consider a place home could be found here. So I never looked.

I am an extremely relational person. Andrew will tell you that the first time I meet practically anyone, I am making plans to become the very best of friends with them or thinking of ways that I can help them and he has to bring me back to reality and remind me that it isn’t always best or possible to be great friends with everyone we meet. Miami people tend not to be relational at all. So I whined and complained and cried about how much I needed a kindred spirit. I had never had a season in life in which I did not have a best friend close by and I did not know what to do with myself!

So I got desperate. I finally turned to the God who claimed me long ago for comfort and for friendship. I am stubborn so this complete and not just partial reliance on Him to fill this void in my heart only took 3 years or so. I began spending more time in prayer seeking His presence and asking Him to change my heart so that I could love others through His eyes. I sought His Word more, like I did in the old days, and it calmed my heart. I still thought about Orlando, but I didn’t feel panic for not being back there yet. And then the strangest things began to happen. I found a kindred spirit right here in Miami. I began to appreciate and love my church. I found community. I started seeing what a gorgeous city Miami is and how much it has to offer.

God is sweet, good, and faithful like that. Psalm 37:4 says, “take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying here. God is not a genie in a bottle. He did not give me what I wanted because I did something right. I sought Him out. I let go of my wants and realized that He needed to come first and that I needed to change my heart and the only way I could do it would be through prayer and reading His Word. Yes, He did give me the friend I had longed for, but I wouldn’t have made that friend if it wasn’t for going to BSF to study His Word. Yes, He gave me a great church and community, but I didn’t see what I had in them until I began to seek Him out in the matter. He gives us the desires of our hearts. He realigns our hearts. When we seek Him we gain new perspective and we learn that home is where He sends us and has us right now.

walk it out

I am an inconsistent blogger. I have had at least 10 things I have wanted to blog about in the last 2 weeks and have not made the time to do so. ::Sigh:: I realize that all I am really blogging about are friends and family for the birthday shout outs and I'm going to keep that going regardless of how much or how little I blog about other stuff because the friends and the family are the most important. With that said....





La and me on her last day in Florida



Yesterday my dear friend, Lauren, celebrated her birthday. I was in Florida. She was all the way out in California. Sad, but true facts. When she first lived her in the 305, she moved in with my in-laws for a time until she could find a place and a roommate. We had never met, but I was hoping and praying we would be friends. I was quite lonely in the big city I live in. I needed a good, close girl friend. I will never forget meeting her in the driveway as we helped her unload her car and made small talk. I knew it instantly. She was the friend I had prayed for and would quickly grow to love. Those 2 years flew by and before we knew it, she was moving across the country, but I will always be so grateful to the Lord for blessing me with her presence in my life.

 She is one of the strongest women I know, and for as much junk as the girl has had to face in her life she is one of the most positive and encouraging gals I know too. She moved away almost a year ago and I miss her everyday. She was my Starbucks date on a weekly basis for a long time. We poured our hearts out over hot chocolates and soy lattes. We shared many a tear and a laugh. We still do that these days over the phone, but I could go for a good La hug right now! She's taught me a lot about perseverance and strength. She is a great friend to many. She has taught me a lot about friendship and a lot about what conflict should look like from a godly perspective, something which I think is pretty hard to grasp. She loves the Lord and she loves people. And I love her!

Hope your birthday was a happy one, sweet friend!

  



Me, La, and Ellie



for love of a good heart to heart talk and a cupcake



Today my dear friend, Holly, celebrates her birthday. She and I met 4 years ago and within 10 minutes of our first conversation on our first "date" I knew she would be a lifelong friend. She loves Jesus and so do I, and there is nothing sweeter than sharing that with a kindred spirit. She is a friend I can always count on to be transparent and genuine with me. She is a friend I rely on for her no-nonsense honesty when it comes to godly council and she's also the friend I avoid when I'm not ready to hear it! (Don't worry, friend, it hasn't happened in a long time.) She is a gracious host. She is thoughtful and kind. I love singing next to her at church when we are in town. And I miss her butt pinches something fierce now that we are 4 hours apart. I am so thankful to have a friend like her to be totally myself with--silly, serious, a bit of a mess. She is a great encourager and a fierce prayer warrior. And I love her to pieces for all of the above!

Happy Birthday, Holly!!! Love you!

chivalry is not dead

Last week my husband and I celebrated our anniversary. Christmas time is extra special for us because we totally fell for each other during our Christmas break Junior year in college. So this time of year I get really sentimental. (I am taking down the Christmas tree this afternoon and oh, so sad about it!) We have been married for 3 years and 3 years ago we were married on the 5 year anniversary of the night he told me how he felt about me. I love him. He is not perfect, but I think that he is as close to perfect as they can come. He is the kindest, most gentle and patient man I have ever known. He loves me when I do not deserve it. He knows what to say and do to crack a smile out of me on the darkest days. He has supported me in one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make this year and continues to do so on the days I doubt that it was the right one. He is a good friend to me. One of the things that I love the most about him is that he never hesitates to grab my hand and pray with me, sometimes for me, and those moments are the most precious to me. The moments when the man I love the most here on this earth leads me and ushers me into the presence of the Savior I love most of all.

Marriage is a blessing, no doubt, but it is hard work! It isn't easy being so vulnerable. It isn't easy being so honest. It isn't easy seeing the worst in yourself when you look in the mirror and see how selfish you can be; something I am convinced is necessary and that marriage will show you consistently. But it is worth the work! I am married to a great guy and I am so glad we get to work through and do life together.