longings

I long for beauty and inspiration.

Life seems more chaotic than it has to be most of the time.

I spend countless hours pouring my heart and time into my job. It's a great job and many would say that it's even beautiful and inspring, but I want more from life. My days are filled with lesson plans, disciplining kids, tying shoes, faculty meetings, staffings, answering "but why" questions, breaking up silly fights, teaching [enter subject here], dealing with helicopter parents, political mumbo jumbo with colleagues and superiors, singing cute songs, reading stories, writing reports, second guessing myself, challenging my kids, drying tears, etc. It's rewarding and I love it. Don't get me wrong there. But it doesn't end at 2:00 when the bell rings. Then there is another lesson plan to be made, prepping for the next day, planning [enter project/activity here], cutting out lamination, making a new game for literacy centers, grading papers, filing papers, phone calls to parents, letters to parents, making copies, etc.

My job is great and I really do love it, but at the very end of the day I am exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

I long to pursue things that are inspiring and beautiful. I want to read thought provoking books. I want to flip through the pages of books with poems. I want to visit art museums. I want to paint something myself. I want to discuss art, literature and philosophy with friends. I want to sit at Starbucks just to sit and think. I want to play an instrument and feel that sort of freedom. I want to feel something and experience something outside of the hustle and bustle to ground me.

My job for next year is not secured because of the budget. Last year that crushed me. This year is different.

Here are the definitions for beauty and inspiration from Webster's Online Dictionary because my words do not adequately express what I think and feel.

beauty

1: the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit : loveliness
2: a beautiful person or thing
3: a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality
4: a brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance

inspiration

1 a: a divine influence or action on a person believed to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation b: the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions c: the act of influencing or suggesting opinions



I hope this summer will be more like a spring for me.