when all there is left to do...

I am a “wait”er. I also tend to be a procrastinator.

Two different terms. Two different sets of logic.

Now in my mind the only reason to procrastinate is to avoid work. So I procrastinate because I would rather do something better or I would rather be lazy until the last possible second. I am avoiding something merely because I don’t feel like doing it right away.

I think I am more of a “wait”er.

“I will call the doctor about my stomach if the pain doesn’t go away in a week or so.”—“I will make an effort to hang out with my friends when I feel less like a Debbie Downer. I just have to cheer up first.”—“I will start eating better after this week…last week was really tough and this week is super busy and I can’t give up comfort food yet.”—“I will start this blog after I’ve had a straight week without missing time alone with Christ in prayer and His Word. This way I might having something worth saying.”

Can you see the difference? I procrastinate because I’m lazy, but I wait because I’m scared.

This blog has been plaguing me. I started it months and months ago. I signed up for it. Named it. I played with different templates then went to bed. Maybe a week went by and I came back to play with more templates and customizing fonts and colors then went to bed. I thought then, “Things are busy so maybe I’ll start it over the holiday break when I am out of school and can sit down to think about it.” So I came on at the very beginning of my break and wrote my first entry just to see what it would look like...

Ever since I have written a hundred entries. Some while I drove to and from work. Some when the kids were at lunch and the classroom was quiet and still. Some when I was sitting in church. Some when I was sitting in the company of friends and family. A few when the lights in my house had gone out and the moon cast a bluish glow through my window. But none ever made it here for fear my thoughts were corny, cheesy, stupid, shallow or inaccurate.

I’ve got no idea why the thought of having a blog has been plaguing me so much. I’ve got no idea who would even read it. All I know is that I’m tired of writing my thoughts onto vague canvases then coming back to rework them into thin air. So I am going to write. I am going to stop waiting to be witty enough. I am going to write when I miss my time with God. I am going to write when my thoughts might even be "out of line" or inaccurate. I'll write because for some reason writing is what I need to do.